Tag Archives: in which I am cranky

Whining here – feel free to skip

I feel like tempers are fraying.  Mine certainly is.  I was ready for the weekend by Wednesday.  Our workload is going up, and everyone is scrambling to figure out childcare for the summer.  We’ve been told to expect to remain teleworking through at least July 15.

I’ve been trying to get a particular tool/license for more than a year.  I did the research.  I priced the options.  I checked out whether the provider meets security standards and if it has other similar customers/clients.  I had demos and included potential users.  I put in the funding request for the last fiscal year and this fiscal year with the primary use case and a hypothetical use case.  I updated the pricing periodically.  I’m not sure what value the “coordinator” has added, since any justification request was immediately bounced to me.  I included it in the new end of FY and next FY budget request a couple of weeks ago.  And then Coordinator, who our Director thinks is already handling this, called to ask me if I had any opinions about this tool, or if I had thought of the use case or how many licenses we might need or how it could be administered.  Why, yes, I have.  AND I GAVE YOU THIS INFORMATION IN SEPTEMBER, THEN AGAIN IN FEBRUARY, AND TWO WEEKS AGO.  But sure, I’ll give it to you again.

Thursday was…not ideal.  Stepdad’s mobility has declined a lot in the last couple of years and he’s very accident prone (falls, stumbles) and has limited range for walking and length of time standing, even with the support of a cane.  (He has rejected the idea of a walker or wheelchair to date.)  What he took to be a fall last week turns out to have been an initial stroke or mini-stroke.  He’s hospitalized and working on being stabilized, but needs surgery; the surgery may cause paralysis but doing nothing will also cause paralysis. So.  Can call and check on him, but can’t visit.

Yesterday after work I went to the grocery store, which was incredibly anxiety-inducing.  I usually go early Saturday or Sunday morning.  Friday afternoon shopping was a bad idea.  It was busier than I’m accustomed to, although the cashier told me that it would get much busier after 5pm.  No one was social distancing.  While everyone was wearing a mask nominally, most of them had them pulled aside so they could talk on their phone or drink something, or just not covering their noses.  There was toilet paper in stock!  No bleach or wipes though.  (I needed dish detergent, which was in that aisle.) The eggs looked pretty picked over, but there was plenty of milk, cheese, yogurt, and frozen foods.

I finally steeled myself and read Akim Aliu’s Player’s Tribune piece.  It was as terrible as expected.  To then read the bullshit article* published by The Athletic’s Fluto Shinzawa glorifying the bullying of a Bruins player, framed as “boys will be boys”, and using really tone-deaf, ugly language made me wonder again if hockey and hockey media are redeemable.  It normalizes verbal/mental abuse, and articulates a homogeneous, white, cis-het, masculine worldview that thinks anything else is Less Than and deserves persecution until conformity is achieved.  The only excuse I can think is that The Athletic doesn’t employ anyone who is not already steeped in the -isms that are hockey culture, to the detriment of both the company and the writers.

*The article’s headline and one shortish paragraph have been removed.  But the headline is still visible in the author’s Twitter feed, and the rest of the article remains pretty illustrative of oblivious, ugly, dudebro behavior at best.  The edited out piece can be seen in a screen grab in the replies to the author’s Tweet.  The comments are both excellent and awful, with readers who are horrified and readers who say that’s a normal working environment.

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Checking in again

I’m trying to recall if anything interesting or unusual happened this week.  And blanking.  We’re still getting hammered at work; most of the division is less busy due to the situation but my office’s work is up measurably.

Enjoyed a virtual happy hour via House Party app.

Feels like I did a lot of dishes this week.  Mainly because I have been cooking something for lunch and dinner most days: grilled cheese, burgers, reheating the soup/chili/pasta that I make on the weekend for consumption the rest of the week.

Due to weather, I stayed inside for two days this past week, which really isn’t good for me.  If it rains next week, I’m breaking out the waterproof boots, because I can’t do that again.

Starbucks re-opened in my neighborhood for carryout only, with limited hours.  I’m a little worried about it being premature.  My favorite independent doughnut place, which has been closed since maybe March 9th or so, is reopening for pre-ordered carryout next Friday.  I miss their Captain Chesapeake doughnut, but hope they aren’t hurrying back too soon.

I’ve been playing through Frank Turner’s discography this week as I walk.  I like something from each of his albums, but the only two* I listen all the way through without skipping any tracks at all are England Keep My Bones and No Man’s Land.  The next one closest is Tape Deck Heart, which I love dearly, but I can’t listen to “Broken Piano” on that album, the key makes me twitch.  (It’s the only song I’ve ever heard FT play live that the live performance didn’t win me over; nope, don’t like it live or recorded.)  Listening to Be More Kind leaves me feeling ambivalent:  I love “21st Century Survival Blues”, which seems apropos right now, but the admonishment to be more kind in the face of the assholery that is our political climate right now (the 2016 elections in the US/UK and Brexit were the genesis of the album) feels a lot like a random guy telling me I should smile, it’ll make me prettier/less intimidating.

*Last Minutes and Lost Evenings doesn’t count – although I listen to it from end to end, it’s a compilation.  I have the albums that are its source material and tend to skip around on them.  It feels like cheating to ignore that I didn’t like their original album placement in favor of the compilation in this context.

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Today

I’m tired already and it’s only Monday.

On a positive note, the orange crush cocktails I picked up from Taps are delicious.

On a less positive note, the project manager who doesn’t actually understand the underlying substance has another idea for a great project. Uh, no. I mean, in theory, sure. But in practice, nope because the data sources suggested are not reliable.

I need more cocktails.

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Afterthought

I have seen a few social media posts pop up in which people instruct others that they should plant a garden to help alleviate food supply issues.  That’s…not helpful, and is borderline offensive in its obliviousness.  It assumes that the audience has possession of a variety of underlying tools/resources, including:  land/space to plant; understanding of how to garden (seasonality, prep needs);  money to buy tools, plants, seeds, etc; time and physical capacity to garden.  We had a garden when I was a kid, and I weeded a lot; I don’t think that experience would make me a competent gardener today.  (In fact, I kill plants, no matter how carefully I follow care and feeding instructions.)  But as I recall, it takes time and energy.  Even a balcony pot garden takes effort and money.  Telling people who live in a food desert to just plant a garden is not helpful.

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Recent reads – February edition

Someone on Twitter recommended a hockey-set romance trilogy, and the blurb was interesting, so I one-clicked.  The writer’s voice/style worked really well for me, and I read the first book and then the second in a couple of days.  But by the time I hit the third book, I hit a wall and started noticing all of the shortcomings I’d sort of skipped over and let slide in the earlier books, in part because I did not care for the love interest at all in the third book.  (He was a selfish, judgmental jerk, and I DNF’d because I couldn’t imagine him adjusting his attitude or believe any HEA involving him with the hero without the hero reshaping himself in an unhealthy way to get his approval.)

What shortcomings, you wonder?  Well, they were little things that accumulated.  The books are set in a league that lifts all of the teams and rivalries from the NHL, but renames them, presumably for trademark reasons.  But then does things that are inconsistent with the league.  For example:  road roommates are governed by the CBA and are for players on ELCs; a seven plus year veteran would not have one, and using that as a plot point seemed really forced.  Second: moving a player from Boston to Ottawa to diminish a rivalry with Montreal is…not realistic.  Beyond that, there’s a lot of not quite right hockey.  Defensemen play in pairs, not lines.  Pure enforcers are gone from the game. And so on.  It felt sometimes like someone mainlined a lot of fan-fiction before writing these without actually watching much hockey.

Substantively, I felt like the books addressed toxic masculinity in hockey with respect to gay men in a shallow/surface way, but ignored racism, xenophobia, misogyny, and a lot of other problematic aspects of North American Hockey Culture.   An opportunity to address mental illness and addiction was more or less ignored.

The first two books weren’t terrible; if you don’t know about hockey, you may not be as irked by their missteps as I was.  But frankly, there’s a lot better gay hockey romance out there on AO3 (let me plug Superstition, original hockey fic) and from former RPF writers who now write/publish original fiction (see Taylor Fitzpatrick‘s alternate hockey universe/league, which is partially on AO3 and partially self-published).

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On a happier note, I really enjoyed the new Peter Grant book, False Value.  It reads as a re-set for the series, and the beginning of a new story arc for Peter and the Folly.

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I’m back from vacation.  Went to Ilha Terceira in the Azores (or Açores, more properly).  Loved it.  Planning on going back, although probably I’ll visit São Miguel or a couple of the other islands first.  Really like how neighborly everyone was.  The food was amazing – seafood, local dairy and beef, a lot of local produce thanks to micro climates that permit growth of all kinds of things ranging from coffee and bananas to pineapples and potatoes.  The landscape is gorgeous – so green – and there are a fair number of (easy) hikes and walks.  Visited Algar do Carvão, an extinct volcano chimney with a rain forest interior and lake at the bottom; it felt like a lost world.

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